UpClose & Personal - Steve Capellini

Most of us in the massage biz like to idealize the notion of mentorship, thinking that if we could only find this perfect person who could cultivate our vast hidden stores of talent, we would assuredly reach, and probably (we admit slyly solely to ourselves) surpass his level of success, rocketing to fame and fortune.

Indeed, there are numerous examples of “older” therapists helping “younger” therapists along as they start out in the field. I’ve written a Massage Career book that has helped several people in this way myself, and I’m a firm believer in the process.

But people, come on, let’s get real. What you are looking for in a mentor is not a concept, an idea, a stereotype, a cardboard cutout. You’re looking for a 3-dimensional, real-life, flesh-and-bones human being to deal with, and what you end up getting out of the relationship may be more about the mentor’s human qualities, failings even, than about his or her magnificent superlative wonderfulness.

What you need to get from a mentor is a cellular understanding that another human being, someone who has undergone and is STILL undergoing all kinds of crises and challenges, has managed to stand up and keep going in spite of the difficulties. You don’t want a stainless mentor: you want one who’s made mistakes and learned from them, someone who’s seen enthusiasms fall by the wayside and learned a little bit about what really matters in this life. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Don’t idealize as you look for a mentor. Don’t get stuck in some romantic notion that this person must be “perfect” for you, a kind of soul-mate-mentor, only one of them out there in the universe. Your mentor, as an imperfect person, may well end up more as a tor-mentor at times, causing you untold piles of grief, but that process itself will end up being exactly what you needed as a menteé.

The most important thing is to establish the relationship. Period. In fact, that’s probably the ONLY thing that matters. You can start with anybody. Your dog, for instance, could make a perfectly reasonable mentor. Failing that, try an esthetician.

Just kidding! But the point I’m getting at is to go ahead and JUST DO IT. Find somebody, anybody, who you think emulates a certain degree of success, or steadfastness, or therapeutic integrity, then go offer that person something. Don’t offer him just praise. How about a massage? How about washing his car? Get concrete.

Don’t worry about getting “stuck” with one mentor. Mentors are not like evil mistresses. You’ll have no “fatal attraction” massage mentor haunting your kitchen if you decide you’d like to move onto another mentor, or no mentor at all, within a short period of time.

Most likely, the person you tap for mentorship will metamorphose into a friend over time, and suddenly you’ll find yourself thinking, “Hey, I’m just like him.” And THAT, my friend, is the essence of the whole deal. You already are the successful person you want to be. Engaging in a relationship with someone whom you perceive to have those qualities already is a sure way to uncover that truth.

So go ahead. Close your eyes.

Point in the general vicinity of a therapist whom you might consider a possible mentor, then lean forward. Let your finger sink into someone.

Begin.

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