UpClose & Personal - Arlene Alpert

The more I talk to other professionals like you and me, the more I am aware that we are all in the same boat. Of course, every once in awhile we have smooth sailing, but more often than not, the weather is unpredictable and what starts out as an easy journey can turn into a major upheaval in a matter of minutes. The key, as I am sure you are already thinking, is not to try to avoid the tempest in the first place, but to learn how to handle the upset and get back to land safely. What we need is a "power" boat that we keep finely tuned so that when the weather takes a turn for the worse we have a safe harbor to return to.

So, let's think about the kinds of power we need to have on our boat so that we will always know we can survive the storms of life:

1. Stress Control Power:
The simplest way to keep stress at a minimum is with deep breathing techniques. Practice inhaling through your nose to the count of two; then holding your breath to the count of two and exhaling through your mouth to the count of four, letting out a sigh. Breathing produces oxygen to feed and nourish the brain so you can think objectively and stay calm, even in the most difficult situations.

2. Self-Esteem Power:
When the big waves come along and threaten to drown you, you need to have a lot of confidence in yourself to keep your boat on course. One way is to practice being kind to yourself. You want to accept yourself, warts and all. When you believe in yourself you can surmount any obstacles.

3. Communication Power:
It is easy to get angry and give up your power and lose control. It may also be safer to hold your feelings in. However, both take their toll. Learning to be "Assertive" is a skill similar to steering a boat. You need to stay focused on the challenge so you don't lose your way. When you listen to others you have a powerful influencing skill. And when you understand how to use "I" statements, you can talk to people without judging and be able to say "NO" firmly, but kindly and mean it.

4. Solution Power:
"There is an effective solution to every problem." When you "buy" into that philosophy you give up being problem-obsessed and become solution-focused. When you put your energy into looking for solutions, not into complaining about the problem you have the power to discover a solution that fits for you.

5. Emotion Power:
You have three ways to deal with your emotions. You can repress them, express them or contain them. Repressing feelings can create subtle hostility and cause illness. Yet the time may not be right to say what you feel. You have the option of learning to "contain" your feelings by breathing and acknowledging them to yourself. This can give you time to decide what the appropriate approach is. Perhaps it is detachment from the problem. Or you may decide to deal with it later. All I know is that it works.

6. Attitude Power:
Do you see yourself as a winner? Do you have faith in your success? You have heard of the expression, "Attitude is everything." So, whenever you hear yourself engaged in negative self-talk, say STOP and see a huge stop sign. You can create the life you want.

7. Passion Power: Feeling a sense of purpose about your work doesn't mean that there won't be times you will wonder why you got into your profession in the first place. I think that 20% of every career is "dirty" work, which you have to do to stay on track or you can always delegate what you don't like to someone who does. It is best to love what you do with pride and persistence and success will follow.

8. Focus Power:
Concentration is vital to control time. Children have a 3-minute attention span. Adults have anywhere from 7 to 50 minutes. Give yourself plenty of breaks. A "1" minute, time out (close your eyes and breathe) works.

9. Need Power:
Dr. Abraham Maslow researched well-adjusted people. He found they took care of all their needs: physical, emotional, social, achievement and spiritual. When all your needs are satisfied it is easier (and safer) to steer the boat.

10. Balance Power:
If you look at balance as a 50/50 proposition you will be tired an hour after you get up. It is time to develop a new paradigm that strives for inner balance and that allows time to play (without guilt).

11. Health Power:
With exercise, proper nutrition, sleep, rest, relaxation, low caffeine, alcohol, sugar, fat you can maintain optimum well-being.

12. Change Power:
If you are among the people who are wary or change, you will be stressed out every time your get off course. Consider it stimulating. Instead of being uncomfortable with uncertainty, welcome it. If your boat is sturdy you will get where you have designated it on your chart. Just ask for support, encouragement and help.

13. Goal Power:
To manage and control your life you need to know what you want. You can start by imaging a plan, then begin to prioritize what you have envisioned. Another way to make your life easier is to take 15 minutes each day and organize one thing that has been bugging you. Every time you set a goal and meet it your will feel more in control of your life.

Reflecting back on these "baker's dozen" ways to make life work for you, you may see a recurrent theme -- you are in the driver's seat of your "power" boat. You may not always have control of what happens on the high seas, but you will always have control of how you respond. There may not always be calm waters, but you can always keep a calm demeanor. And if you keep you eye on the horizon, you will most likely always make it back to shore safely.

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